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This week is full of disappointment for me. Not because somebody last minutes can’t meet me. Not because someone has some other commitment and has to back out from our original plan. Is more of the empty I get when such things happened. Firstly I want to make it clear that I’m not angry or upset with them. Neither am I blaming them for what has happened. I seriously feel that it’s totally alright, because they really have their reason for doing so~ This week I experience 3 time of last min cancel of appointment or something along the line. It make me feel so empty that very moment. At the very moment, I wanted to find someone to share my thought, my feeling back then but after scrolling through my contact I realise that there is no one, no one I can call to keep me accompany or share my though. Reason why I couldn’t find anybody is because some are having family problem, some preparing for exam. I got no reason to disturb them. The problem or situation they are facing is so much, so much harder then what I’m facing. Sound like having a bad emo ya? On a selfish though, I’m always there for them, or at least most of the time, but when I need someone, no one can be there. I don’t blame them actually, just feel damn low when I need somebody but nobody is there. Then I will feel that if I have a girlfriend, she could be there for me~ That is only If~ Some how it leads me to a sentence in the song <<搞笑>>.

“忙完了一天　突然覺得又何必辛勞 對誰炫耀”

Fully describe how I feel. What the point of giving in so much when I can’t show off to anyone, when I cant get the shoulder or hug i need. Really selfish of me, really. It shouldn’t be the case. I should not wish for any return, that shouldn’t be the case. This empty feeling really make me feel so bad. Today she told me she can carry on the plan we used to have cause she have some other commitment. Again~ feel so empty. Just like a cup fill with water and suddenly the cup over turned, all the water is gone. Really feel like crying sometime, but just no tears. Guess I’m just upset ba… I have to say I really hide my feeling real good. Nobody, not a single soul realise there is something wrong going on in me~ Unlike me, always able to sense something wrong with them and always be there on the almost right time giving them the support or advise. My case? I’m on my own~ most of the time… Getting used to it, getting used to been alone. I’m a person that can be alone in shopping mall, in cinema watching movie, sitting along orchard rd watching the crowd walking pass… I can be alone and no one will realise I’m alone and I don’t wish to be alone at times … …

羅志祥 - 搞笑

It’s raining heavily now and I like this cooling weather. I still remember I use to cycle to school in my secondary school life. There quite a number of time where it happened to rain and I’m cycling in the rain. I love that kind of feeling. When I was young, whenever I’m angry or unhappy, I’ll just hide in the shower room and let the water running over me~ This is my way of distressing i guess. Whenever I’m in the rain, the rain never fail to make me feel so relax. It’s just as though the rain will wash away all my trouble, worries etc. It has been so so long since I last stand in the rain~ I’m starting to miss this feeling … … …

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What does the word “fear” means to you? Fear that you can’t achieve good result after so many years of studying? Or fear that you will fail in your relationship? Well everybody has different definition of “fear” at different stage of their life. But have you ever though of what is biggest fear in your life? When I was in Secondary School, my history once share with me the fear one of her student is facing. This student biggest fear at that moment is to fall asleep. Sound interesting to you? Nope, it sound really sad to me. He/she is so sick that he/she will just die anytime. I can’t really remember what disease this student had, but all I remember is that he/she has the chance of falling asleep and never wake up again. Well, we’ll never understand this kinda fear unless we have been through it~

I had a fear in me, the fear of losing someone I care most, I love most, someone that matter alot to you~ Till you reach a certain stage in life, you will never understand that fear. I hope you will never get to feel or understand it~

Just a random post~ Don’t be too worried about me…

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